Futurama 5: Muscle Mayhem
by StupidSequel
Summary: The Planet Express crew needs to make Farnsworth a honey sandwich, but bees are extinct, and he is inflexible. He eventually finds a morbid way of feeding himself, but then Jesus comes back and points their flaws out. Some strong language is present.
1. RED LIGHT!

**Futurama 5: Muscle Mayhem**

(AN: The fifth Futurama movie. And it's in 3D. Takes place in between Into the Wild Green Yonder and Rebirth.)

"Good news, everyone," the professor cheered. "The wormhole we just went through was merely a hologram."

"Well then what about us being chased by Zapp Branigan, the guy that I definitely slept with and am proud to admit it?" Leela questioned.

"Oh poppycock. They'll run out of gasoline eventually, and then we can high tail it to Earth, the planet we prolly maybe live on." Farnsworth interjected. Everybody cheered.

Back on Earth (Farnsworth's prediction was indeed correct) everyone was feeling a little hungry, but none more-so than the professor.

"I want a honey sandwich, and make it snappy. All the shit we have here to eat, I would rather eat a computer. With the power ON!" The professor was his usual cranky self, amplified by his hunger. "Screw my diabetes. I love honey. Planet Express crew, your new task is to pay a visit to the space bee colony and get some honey from there and make me a honey sandwich."

"Can't we just get some earth honey from the bee hives here on Earth?" Fry wondered.

"Negatory. Bees have been extinct for about 800 years now. Well, at least Earth bees have been extinct. Space bees are still plentiful tho," an audible vibration emanated from Leela's head hole that formed the sound of those exact words. "But I would rather make out with Fry than risk my behind in the space beehive ever again, and I hate Fry. C'mon, everyone, on the ship." Bender, Amy, Zoidberg, and Fry all joined Leela on the Planet Express ship. They figured that there were still bees inside the Encyclopod since bees were extinct in the year 3011. The Cofagrigus that was sleeping in the kitchen sink just sat there, watching as they left, being too unimportant to even call this fanfic a crossover. BIG LIPPED ALLIGATOR MOMENT!

So the Planet Express crew was going to the Encyclopod to get them some extinct Earth bees (it was wandering space to look for extinct species to zap their DNA) and when they got there, there were bees buzzing around inside the 'dome.'

"C'mon, I dare ya," Bender said before doing his stock chicken clucking sounds. "Go touch one of the bees, unless you're a scared little pussy."

"God dammit Bender! I am not gonna risk my fingers to those barbed stingers! I WILL NOT GET STINGED! Leela, please tell me you grabbed a net and a jar to catch the bees in."

"What, you want me to lie? But that's a sin. I forgot those things you said. Too bad. We have to grab the bees in our hands. Is anyone besides me and Amy wearing pants with pockets? Cuz that wud make things so much easier." Fry, Bender, Zoidberg, and Hermes shook their heads. "Then you human guys will have to stuff your pants full of bees. Bender, you're the lucky one." Bender was shoveling some bees into his compartment with his three pronged hands. The guys (don't feel like copy and paste or retyping names cuz I feel lazier than Bruno Mars in 'The Lazy Song.') got stings in their groins.

"That's it! Fuck the professor and fuck his honey sandwich!" Fry was frustrated at the pain of his bee stings. "They can burn in hell for all I care."

"You know the professor. He is so inflexible that if he doesn't have that honey sandwich, he will quite literally starve to death. Therefore, his life is in our hands. He can't survive without his crew. He is counting on us," Leela encouraged.

"C'mon! I can't take another minute in this shit hole manta ray!" Fry drove away in the Planet Express ship. With everyone else still in the Encyclopod.

"Aw crap, he left without us Wait. I remember reading about the extinction of fairies, and Tinkerbell was a fairy!" Leela gasped. "Maybe Tinkerbell is somewhere in this shit hole manta ray."

"Yeah, and hedgehogs fly," Amy said. Bender circled his finger around his head to indicate crazy.

Sure enough, Tinkerbell showered her and the gang with pixie dust. Since she's extinct, this fanfic still can't be considered a crossover. "We can fly," they said in unison, and engaged in a musical number identical to the 'we can fly' from Peter Pan. Right before the author of this fanfic got sued for copyright infringement! Oh no! Guess this fanfic is cancelled!


	2. GREEN LIGHT!

Not really! Fry parked the Planet Express ship in the parking lot of the Cincinnati Zoo, went into the gift shop, and bought a number of rubber toy honeybees equal to the amount it would take to make a jar of honey. He thought that even toy bees could make honey.

When he took them back to the Planet Express building in New New York, he was greeted by everyone else with their eyes narrowed and their hands folded across their chests, and Farnsworth was barely more than tight skin clinging to a skeleton frame, despite there being plenty to eat because of his ambition for that damn honey sandwich! Farnsworth took a bee and examined it.

"MADE IN TAIWAN? Fry, you were supposed to get me REAL bees! Even a kindle user would be smart enough to realize the difference between toys and real animals," Farnsworth reprimanded. "You incompetent little snots made me resort to this." Farnsworth took the cover off of a large object, which was revealed to be an Uzi.

"Everybody drop and give me 200 push-ups or my Uzi will blow your brains out! NO GIRL PUSH-UPS! This Uzi weighs a motherfuckin ton!"

"Oh good, me and Amy don't have to do push-ups," Leela commented while the boys were exerting themselves. Farnsworth cocked the Uzi.

"I think you misconstrued what I said. What I meant was, even the girls have to do push-ups the regular way. Girl push-ups are when you do push-ups on your knees instead of legs spread out, on your tippy toes. Now GIVE ME 200 BEFORE I SMELL BURNING FLESH!" Leela and Amy reluctantly obeyed. Leela was dressed for the occasion in her tank top that she never, ever takes off. Wait, could that be the reason Leela didn't want to go out with Fry, that she was in love with her tank top?

Thirty seconds after everyone did their 200 push-ups...

"I am going to teach you Huflungdu, which is the ultimate martial art, a mixture of karate, tae kwon do, kung fu, tai chi, jujitsu, Zumba, bench pressing, parcour, and P90X. I will teach you everything you need to know in a span of three sunrises, and three sunsets. You must get a black-belt, or be destroyed. Any questions?" Fry counted on his fingers.

"We have six days?" He asked.

"NO! Three!" Farnsworth countered. Leela raised her hand.

"What does this have to do with your honey sandwich?" Leela axed.

"You'll see!" Farnsworth said with an evil laugh.

By the time they had all gotten blackbelts, their muscles were so torn up that their muscles had become individual molecules in a soupy mess of lactic acid (I said 'muscles' twice to eliminate any ambiguity, for this is an important part of the plot). The crew also could not keep their eyes open. When they went to sleep, Farnsworth decided that was the next phase of his plan.

Farnsworth searched the cabinet for bread. To his horror, he found out there was no white bread. Just wheat. "I WANNA DIE!" He shouted, and then he remembered that he couldn't quit now, not after he had souped up everyones' muscles. He settled for wheat bread, cut open the crew, scooped out some lactic acid, and spread it all over the bread, and ate it like a sandwich. If he couldn't have honey, then lactic acid will do (semen would also do, but honestly, do you guys want an MA rated fanfic? I don't. Also it probably wouldn't be nearly enough).

The next morning, as Farnsworth was getting dressed, he looked in the mirror and found that he was buffer than the average college football player. He had 16 pack abs cuz he's awesome now.

"I'm gonna be a hit with the ladies cuz I'm handsome now! And now that I am fit, I need to avenge a certain crew's death."

After doing a few warm up sets of 300 lbs bench pressing, he got into the ship and traveled to the space bee colony. Every bee he saw he punched to death without the space bees ever putting up a fight, ever. After he was done, he swallowed the bodies of the bees to leave no evidence. The Encyclopod came his way.

"Umm, why are you here? Nothing ever lived here. Just me."

"Very well," were the Encyclopod's only spoken words before he left. Did he actually believe Farnsworth?

Back on Earth, Farnsworth went to the beach, dressed in only a skin tight speedo to show off his buff frame. Every woman who saw him either puked or drowned themselves in the water on purpose. _What's the point of having these massive muscles if every woman is repulsed enough by them to either puke or commit suicide over?_

When he got back to the Planet Express building, the crew were still asleep. _Good. _Farnsworth began cutting open his body and cutting out his muscles, and then cutting open the bodies of his crew members and stuffed the muscles inside each of them, remembering their exact size and definition. Next he duct taped the muscles in and duct taped their skin closed, and Farnsworth duct taped his own skin closed. And Bob's your uncle.

Suddenly everyone heard a loud trumpet sounding. "Oh my God! Jesus has returned! I didn't think it would ever happen! Hi, Jesus!" Fry howled.

"Farnsworth, you tricked the Encyclopod into not zapping the space bees' DNA, and that is lying, and lying is a sin. You also did it out of revenge for killing your previous crew. That is a double no-no. I'm afraid I cannot rapture your soul up into heaven. And the rest of the crew. You all did not give him the honey sandwich he wanted ever so much. You have committed murder in your hearts. You also will not go to heaven just yet. Farewell." To someone's horror, they saw bodies rising up toward the sky.

"What will happen now that we're left below?" Amy axed, those last two words spoken eerily.

"Well, according to the Bible, which I never knew was true until now and thought it was just a Harry Potter rip-off, the AntiChrist will be the sequel to Hitler. He'll rule the world with an iron scepter and strike down the nations with the sword of his mouth. I didn't know the guy was gonna be part of the circus, as a sword swallower. " Just then an unexpected event occurred. The Encyclopod came to them.

"Since Jesus came back and the world is at an end, Earth is now extinct, and so is everything on it. I must zap up the Earth's DNA now." So he did, and now the entire 2nd run series (from Rebirth onward) is just a replica of Earth inside the Encyclopod.


End file.
